A blog about turning into the person I've always been
Friday, January 29, 2010
Pursuit of Happiness
Hey there! This was going to be a quick post but it turned into a really long one...
Everything went great at the new job, there was an event at my location so it took place at a local dive bar, really nice crowd, open bar on the company tab, I had a pint of blue moon with an orange in it, my favorite. There were a few people at training and we all got along well, it was really informal and I could see these people as becoming quick friends, one of them actually worked with me at a Sushi place a few years ago. I'm not going to be totally open about my work because i don't want to get stalked or draw unwanted attention to the company, sorry, but God hasn't pushed the button that turns stalkers and creeps into puppies and kittens yet.
I have a loooong shift tomorrow, and I'm super-looking forward to it, I think everyone either correctly guessed my gender (female...) or noticed I was trans and was respectful as any intelligent, civilized person would be. I'm glad to be meeting people now where trans-people are just like any other folks.With these kinds of people, people are just people, we're all just dudes and chicks and bitches and bro's and expressing yourself is a positive thing. Pre-exposure is also key, especially in the alternative scene where most everyones hungout with transpeople at least once, at target i'm a freak because alot of those people have only seen transgendered people represented on television, at least at my target. Around progressive people I'm just another one of the gang thats working towards the same goal... whatever that may be. So i'm finally in a trans-friendly environment... lets just hope they stay just as friendly if they ever find my blog... oh i'm being over paranoid, even if they get weirded out, whateva.
So all is good, I know I said I would do a review of the ABU Cushies diaper tonight, but I need to test it over night to get a really good feel :) I wore a small abriform to work and wet it just as I got home, it leaked a tiny bit in the back but I wet a lot... very comfy diapers :) Training begins early tomorrow, so this little girl is going to put her hair in pigtails, her bottom in a very comfy nappy, and curl up with her newly downloaded episodes of Daria, which is also a good Cake song, which is also a good band. Nighty night bloggyland, if only I could torrent some of my happiness to you :)
Hey there! Sorry for keeping you waiting, I've been scrambling to make rent this month and running all around town. I've sold my digital still camera and my big lovely monitor, I still had the receipt for this awful Logitech wireless keyboard mouse combo I bought for 30$ at Target a while back, it was the one thing I got rid of that I actually wanted to, the signal reach is literally 5 feet. I'm back with my wrist destroying but familiar giant keyboard and just a basic little optical mouse. When I returned the keyboard to my old Target, it was nice seeing the friends I made there, I was told I looked cute on multiple occasions by some of the girls there that were totally yougogirl! about my transition, which is always lovely, and it reminds me that I left with a good reputation and my head held high. I was always so afraid to be feminine at Target. Now that I'm not forced to be around the less than transfriendly Target employees, I'm just a girl shopping. I just wish they had a gender neutral restroom, I honestly liked working there, helping old people find stuff and I always surprised people with my "Techknowledge" (the name of my old company, catchy right?) The good thing is I'm less than a month away from my OSHA interview about Target, so hopefully I can raise some red flags for making family bathrooms standard in places like Target.
Anyway, this post is about a sex machine, that was given to me by a good friends girlfriend, we named it Bender because its a fun loving robot that likes to get down. I highly recommend you check out letsgetsrs.blogspot.com for the full story. Above is the short little video, the PG video, I probably seem a little different because I was pretty nervous about showing it off, I was always taught to keep my sex toys hidden away. I was giggly, excited, and a little embarrassed all at the same time, a silly little girl showing off her cool new toy. I may call it a "sex toy" but the one time I played with it, the line between "Bender" elaborate dildo and boyfriend blurred a bit.
From my summation, theres only 2 types of mechanical stuff thats involved in sex, i'm talking ore of the method than the device, using my machine as an example. I'd say its an even split between enjoying seeing/controlling the speed of someone getting used by a machine, the impersonal factor of a machine on a person seems to be an effective method of submission, pretty popular on many adult sites. This is with bondage sounds like heaven, I think the used slave roll is pretty hot but unfortunately I've only had access to the second kind of robo sex, which is somewhere between "I'm lonely and horny and want to imagine someones there with me" and "a new, complicated thing I can put in my bottom? Awesome!".
As I said, I tried it out, it was strange, and it ended up breaking it (we ended up breaking up?) right after making the video, I think I might be able to fix it, I'll be sure to ask you guys if I can't, but it sounds like a fun little project, getting the sex machine back working. I was really hoping to do something artsy with it, put a big hand on it and point to an event or something. Fortunately, there's a video of my first and only time with the machine on my private youtube (for donators and special friends only) and it came out a little... interesting, it was more of an experiment caught on tape than a sexy video I pretty much look and act like a virgin. I've been doing much more filming and editing, I generally just edit and upload anything interesting I shoot, and I shoot some pretty interesting stuff sometimes, including but not limited to wet and sometimes messy diapers, playing with my toys, both cuddly and sexual, bondage,
I think I'm a good girl, both RileyKilo.com and letsgetsrs.blogspot.com are and will always be ad free, I'll bring things up once in a while but only stuff I like, and always let me know if I've led you astray. I need some donations to literally pay rent this month, so like, within the next few days would be a great time to send a paypal donation, the link to my paypal is right under my profile on the top right of the site, it takes credit cards and it really easy to do, it helps me out so much.
I really thought I would be good this month, but I finally caved in and applied for unemployment, and its been a huge hassle since. I've never even considered unemployment as an option, I'm not saying it bad thing, a wise friend told me I payed taxes so I deserve it. I've worked since I was 15 and a half and the few times I was in between jobs I did PC consultation, mostly just teaching old ladies how to use computers and cleaning off spyware. I worked with friends, did promotion gigs, all short torm stuff just to make it month to month. I don't do the consultation too often these days, alot of Mac's around here and big firms for PC repair, I accepted that my little business had been crushed by the big man years ago. I do get a response now and then, but not since early December, christmas is tough, and I'm done home theater installation millions of times. I love riding my bike, but for long distances I'm a hitch-a-ride from friends kinda girl, public transportation around here is downright dangerous.
Unemployment was the only real option to me, most of the people I know in real life are struggling financially as well. Literally for the last 2 months I've been calling the unemployment office now and then everyday, trying to get home, until I eventually went to the office and told me to do it all over the phone. I was so angry because I had called and they said they'd send me letters with a appointment date, and the date was for March. Since then I've sent stuff back, letters, calls, emails, everything. I went into the EDD a couple days after getting the letter, and was told that to keep calling the phone line. So I've been doing that non-stop, I have skype so I can call over and over again, and its ALWAYS busy, its ridiculous. Since I've gone in, its almost turned ugly, because a lady read off of what she said was the official sattement that I did not make a strong enough effort to stay with the organization... they just dont get it, and once I talk to another person who can actually do something about it, I'll be able to explain my situation.
I still buy all my own food and stuff, and get alot of stuff from my neighbor who works at an organic farm much more legitimate than the one I've worked at. I don't think I could ever go on EBT, or food stamps, but I just haven't done it yet, I feel like thats the worse case scenario, and I'm not there yet, It has to do everything with my mom going through her whole adult life without gov. assistance, taking care of my brother and I on her own, with checks and help from Dad now and then. Of course, my childhood would have probably been cooler if we had more money, but pride is pride, I kinda feel the same way, but some people do need assistance, and some good people I know have used it when needed, then went onto normal, decent paying Many times I've gone to unemployment or the welfare office (where I worked intake for about 6 months) and thought about signing up, I just never have, I've just chickened out and now that I'm actually at a point where I'm having a really hard time getting hired and NEED unemployment, I get a big read DENIED stamp
I know that everything is getting better soon, I'm going to be posting more stuff as often as I can... oh wow, as I was writing this post, at 10:22 PST I was called and offered a job an establishment I applied at a few weeks ago, a job I was very excited about. It's not a huge money-making job, but it's doing something i'm good at and enjoy doing, at a very cool, hip, place. It looks like I'll be able to have a steadier income after all, I am bouncing off the wall right now happy. It's so funny, I've been pouring my guts out, pleading for you help, and right before I post, someone calls and saves the day. I have training tomorrow night, and I start on Saturday... amazing! I do really need some nice looking feminine attire, I have a couple cute outfits, but I really want to impress these people, where I'm going to be starting is a pretty swanky place, I don't really want to give away any info for fear of anything jeopardizing it, but it's minimum + tips, in a transfriendly environment from what I've seen, it'll be nice to get more into the public light, as I mentioned, I miss customer service! Oh, and the bathroom set-up gets the Riley stamp of approval, no more potty drama! I still will be diapered at work, but most likely will stay dry during my shifts, I love diapers, but I also love being able to financially support myself.... oooooo sooooo excited!
Unfortunately, I'm not going to get paid for weeks, so paypal donations are still accepted and desperately needed!If you're curious what you get with your donation, just E-mail me, but it comes down to the more you donate, the more you get... videos, private requests, the too-hot-for-youtube stuff. I also have a private webcam so I can do shows or whatever you'd like this cute little girl to do, you know how playful I can be. If you really want to get a hold of me, donating is the best way to catch this little girls eye, and I'm always chatting, sending new stuff and making videos with my "inner circles" ideas. Keep checking back for more stuff, and if you can send a donation, please do! This little girl needs a helping hand right now, things are going to be better than ever once I get over this little unemployment hump and back to work, but until then I'm hoping someone out there can afford to help me get closer to being the bright, shiny and successful woman I know I can be!
Wish me luck for training tomorrow, and I think I'm in such a good mode I might dig up some extra cute pics for this Happy Day... oh, and I'm still in diapers 24/7, and very wet girl right now :)
Oh, and much love to my readers! If you read this post in its entirety all I can say is...
Hey there diapered friends! It's Christmas eve, its chilly outside but I'm all cuddled in my pampers and cute little skirt and sockies. I'm going to my friends "Margarita Xmas Eve", then seeing Avatar with my Mom tommorrow morning. I got a little christmas happiness by way of shadiness today, about 3 months ago I broke my glasses on a flight to Cincinatti, and they've been all messed up and taped together, making me look pretty foolish. As a christmas gift to myself, I scrape together my rainy day fund and goto lenscrafters to get new frames. We search all over for them, and we finally find them, but they carry a 169$ price tag, just for the frames. I was hoping they'd be cheaper, and didn't have enough to get them... I was really bummed out, knowing that I'd have to suffer with these headache causing bastards until I could afford that ridiculous price.
The girl who was helping me, we were chatting quite a bit while looking for them and we got along pretty well, when I told her I couldn't afford them, I could tell she felt bad but I was surprised when she took me aside and told me that she would just buy them with her employee discount, and then put my lenses in on her break. I'm cautious, questioning the legality of it, she's young and tells me that her mom just recently died and shes taking care of her 2 little sisters for their first christmas without a mom. She tells me to meet her at the starbucks in 10, I stand there outside looking scandolous, like i'm in a Lou Reed song. She taps me on the shoulder, we sit down and I can see her hands shaking like shes got the fear of god in her while she puts my lenses in. I hand her 80$ cash under the table, thank her, and we go out seperate ways. I don't know if she pocketed them, or actually used her discount, all I know is I probably bought a barbie or 2 for a family thats just trying to get by, and thats what the seasons about... right? I also think that being diapered gives me just the overall pleasantness feeling that other people pick up on, they can just tell that I'm a nice person :)
The main thing I wanted to say in this post, is I've set a before new years resolution to answer allllll my emails by 2010, so if you've sent me an email at protectionblog at gmail over the past few years, I'll get to it. If you've sent a message to another email address or to my facebook/youtube, I've probably lost it, I'm doing some major re-organizing. I hope everyones having a happy day, and make sure to leave some molicares out for santa, I heard he likes them the best :)
*12/18 - this post is a little cuter than I thought it would be, so "beyond thunderdome" doesn't really fit it, but don't worry, more bad jokes in future posts.
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Dec. 12th, 2009
I'm back from the wilderness, I wasn't eaten by a bear and nobody drank the kool-aid, it's very good to be back to my bed. I made my room immaculate when I left, and coming home to it was just wonderful, it smelled like baby-powder and looked like my own little nursery, a big warm hug waiting for me. I said hello to my bear and took a shower, got into a footy sleeper and here I am.
The trip wasn't terribly eventful, saw everything, helped build domes, big drum circle at night. I could bore you with all my views and a analysis of commune living and the progressive movement as a whole, but instead, I want to tell you about a snowflake I met :)
As I anticipated, it was cooooold up there. as we say here in California, "hella" layers all the time. We saw little patches of ice on the drive, but no snow, I was definitely getting excited. The first night went by quick, I was car-lagged and stuffed myself on pita bread and hummus, I've seriously eaten a gallon of hummus in the last 72 hours. The next day we got up early and just built domes, they're easy to build, they fabricate everything on the grounds so its pretty hard to mess up. I've always been kinda nervous about heights but being small I can climb up and do the top joints easier. I was kinda afraid at first, but the ground is pretty soft there and noone there would be so mean as to throw a big red ball at me as soon as I got to the top.
We were just finishing one when it got into the late afternoon and the cold started to really kick in. There's tons of trees so the air stands still. I'm sitting on top of this great big dome, easily 20 feet in the air, and I hear a girl holler "Riley... Look!", and before I can see the flakes, one comes up and kisses me right on the nose. I look all around me and see tiny bits of frozen confetti falling down around me. I took off my gloves to feel the prickly snow on my fingers, and I stuck my tounge out and tasted the icy bits of fluff. I felt like I was sitting on top of a snowglobe, I had escaped the bits of plastic that I always imagined were snow, only to find out that the outside world is just as filled with snowflakes... but they're real :)
And then, that was it, a little hello from the weather. No more snow the entire trip, but for that moment it was something very good, and It made this little girls holidays. We had a big dinner and worked all day today, I'm happy to be home again. I know a bunch of awful stuff seems to happen to me all the time, but life is good, it has and always will be. I'm going to get all snuggled up with my bear and a paci and a Molicare I've been saving for when I need extra cuddles.
To all the babies, mommies, daddies, trans and diapered folks out there, or any other person passionate enough to venture out and find this little corner of the world, I hope life gives you a little extra love this holiday <3
Hey there! I didn't mean to get too down with that last post, it takes me a day to get over something like that usually, and its been at least 30 hours, I'm a tough girl :)
I went to bed last night pretty frustrated, I didnt want to put on a clothie, just a goodnite girls sleepshort, which aren't terribly good, but I like the feeling of them when there wet and they are easy to put on if you don't want to really get into baby-space. I woke up dry, and I did something that I don't do often enough, but for my own reasons... I worked out.
Let's back up a second. I finally set-up a Dr's appointment for Friday the 11th. I'll be getting blood test results and hopefully Progesterone, a testosterone blocker, generally called Spiro, the next step in my Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). If you're just tuning in, I've been on Estrogen since July 15th 2009, a relatively low dose, but I've definitely experienced some changes. If you're completely new to this whole HRT thing, here's the quick Dr. Grant from Jurassic Park explanation... Men have lots of T and women have lots of E... I naturally pump out T and have been taking E, Spiro blocks T, so I just get E, and my body starts doing all the lovely things that happens to a growing girl, a laundry list of changes that will make me more physically and in ways mentally female, including fat redistribution, less body hair, skin becomes softer, I could go on for days. Check here for more detailed descriptions of the effects, I'm sure I'll go into them in detail in the future, first-hand. It's also a diuretic, and has been known to be a mean one.. luckily I'm diapered 24/7 :)
I'm SUUUUPER excited! This is going to be the next most awesome step in my life, and will make my transition that much more significant, i'll be taking 3 pills a day. One of the things that I'm most excited about is finally starting a more serious fitness regimine. I generally ride my bike or run most mornings to burn of any Peanut Butter Twix Bars I may have consumed the night before. It's never been serious, serious enough to keep thin but not really fit, I don't do it all the time and for a pretty good reason. I'm so skinny that if I started working out today I could get ripped really quickly, something I don't want to do, I like flexibility and speed, not mass. Once I start the more hardcore hormone therapy, my bodies going to react differently to exercise. Ideally, I'll stay lean and wont bulk up if stick with cardio and stretches/pilates and my hormone regime. I've found some videos online, flirty girl fitness and some beginner yoga stuff, I'm new to doing this in any sort of organized manner, so we'll be learning together!
I'll be talking more about my fitness plan, and how to deal with diapers for the active individual, Its been a pretty uneventful day for diapers, I've worn maybe 4 Tenas all day, I've had a lot on my mind and the diapers are just a constant... Other than a little rash worries, its all been very, very good :)
Hey there friends, I had a drifter pull a a knife on me yesterday morning! I live in an area literally infested with homeless people, though I've become relatively friendly with these folks through some of my past jobs there's still random out-of-town or out-of-meth homeless people that think they can rob whoever they want, and clearly can. This post is about horrible-ness, just in time for Halloween.
I give coins to those who ask, more out of safety than philanthropy in a town where people get shot for not giving change. This town sucks, and I can't believe I'm still alive living here for so long with who I am. I had my $2500 camera and about 500$ worth of video equipment on me and luckily he didn't get that stuff. He got my wallet and cash as well as my jacket, but i'm fast and probably would have fought for that camera. Once he had his hands full of my stuff I ran for my dear life, got out of there, sprained my ankle and lived to see another day.He seemed cold, which almost makes me feel bad for him. ALMOST.
The worst part of it all, I was in Sacramento and was robbed on my way to the train station to visit Penny, relatively close to my house. We were planning to do the things me and Penny do together, and these things are as wonderful to do as they are to watch. But I got mugged, so I spent the day talking to the police and trying to piece together enough cash for rent, which is a significantly less fun than getting tied up, put into diapers and treated like a little sissy girl. I've spent most of today at the DMV, which is almost worse than fearing for your life at knifepoint.
SO anyway, I hate myself and I want to die. I doubt i'll be able to make rent this month on my own, my small family is broke due to the furloughs going on in gov. jobs in CA and I don't have anything of value to sell, I could sell my camera for maybe 100$, a camera I bought for $2500, damn you technology. This might be my last post for a loooooooooong time, my internet is most likely going to get shut-down until I can afford it.
I've been horribly depressed since the mugging, I don't have enough money to pay for my hormones this month, let alone rent. Donations are greatly appreciated, videos, camshows, pics, anything will be reciprocated with even a small donation. Write me a direct Email at protectionblog@gmail.com for info and the donation link is right under my profile pic on your right, if you donate and leave your email, I'll get back to you asap.
So anyway, life is horrible for me, but a little angel emailed me today, a long-time friend of mine and a fellow diaper-girl, she was just lucky enough to be born with the right parts. I for a long-time didn't believe that there were tons of, if any, "real" AB/DL girls out there, but my friend proved me wrong. She is really so darling, the cutest little AB girl, and she said it was OK to post her stuff on here, but any requests for moar or any further information will be ignored, she's shy :P
I'm really hoping I can make it until next month with a blog, and hopefully a roof over my head, and I'll miss this if I'm gone. So here's my very lovely friend, I might as well go out with a smile and some very cute pictures.
Name: Riley K. Home: United States About Me: I started this blog to share some of my life with my fellow AB/DL and transgendered people, and anybody else that wants to go outside the box a little bit. I live every day as a girl and I've been doing this blog for over 2 years! Read More
